JOKE time !!!!

You Tell me if i was surpose to Laugh At This Joke

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"


Good Luck

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."

Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"

Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT WAS FUNNY

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

What did the wall say to the other wall ?
Lets meet in the corner

A guy looks around the pub and spots an attractive woman, approaches and asks her name,
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "Thats a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No I named myself after the things i like most in life, cars and men. Whats your name"
He thinks for a moment and says, "Beerfuck."

1 BlueRhino does not sleep he waits
2 BlueRhino is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, I ate a fucking Indian.
3 When observing a BlueRhino headbut (horn to face) in slow motion, one finds that i actually rape the victim in the ass, smoke a cigarette with Samuel L Jackson and then horn my victim.
4 BlueRhino is what Willis was talking about.
5 And i CAN touch MC Hammer
6 A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to ME and that you will be handicapped if you park there!
7 BlueRhino doesn't ''Get laid'' .. ''laid gets BlueRhino''

Three blondes are walking through the woods and they see a set of tracks, they begin to follow them!
~"These look like dog tracks" says the first one
~"nah, it's fox tracks" replies the second
~The third buts in and says "no, it's rabbit tracks"
Then the train hits them.

D3m0n1k and god once got into a fight, after hitting my head i cannot remember who won the fight, but people are still searching for god

there were 3 women in an elevator, a blonde brunette and a redhead, they get to talking and notice a stain on the elevator floor, the brunette says omg is that cum? the red head says "Looks like cum".... the blonde goes down and licks it and says, yeah its cum, but its no one from this hotel.

How do u confuse a blonde?
Stick her in a round room tell her to sit in the corner

Why do women have small feet? to get closer to the kitchen sink

How many men does it take to change a light globe?
None the bitch can cook in the dark

What do u say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothin you already told her twice

Why do u never buy a woman a watch?
There's a clock on the oven

Had a wank over an ex girlfriend last night...... I know its wrong but i still have the keys to her place

A girl goes to the doctor and tells him she hasa aterrible discharge. "Ok. take ur knickers off and lets check it" he says
she obliges and he slips in a finger and has a feel around. "How does that feel?" he asks "Fucking fantastic" she replies, "but the discharge is from my ear!"


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake, the average person cant.

this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat


Now go back and read each THIRD word.....


They said a flower couldnt signiifry love, the rose managed it, they said a plant couldnt survive without water, the cactus managed it
they said a retard couldnt read...... Well done Sunshine!


Thank you thank you, ill be here all week, Try the veal

hahhaha lols

hmmmm mkay

Why dosnt a woman need a drivers lisence? Because theres no road from the bedroom to the kitchen.

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."


Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks."Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I was coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"

There was a blonde burnett and a redhead they had all died. In order to get to heaven they had to climb 100 stairs and every stair they climbed god will tell them a joke. If they were to laugh they would be sent straight to hell. The redhead made it to the 52nd stair then she bursted out with laughter so she was sent to hell. The burnett made it to the 82nd stair then she bursted out into laughter, she was sent straight to hell. The blonde made it to heven and strated bursting into laughter god turns around and says "whats up?" blonde replies " i just got the first joke."

A blonde thought if she died her hair brown she would become smarter. Whilst driving in the country she spotted this farmer herding sheep and asked him "If I guess how many sheep you have will you let me have one?" The man said "Sure." Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said "Wow your good." So the blonde claimed her prize. While walking her back to the car the man said "If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?"

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
The joystick is wet.

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.

Why don't blonds play frisbee?
It hurts their teeth.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!

How do blonde braincells die ?
Alone.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
She tried to drown it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
because she heard the drinks were on the house.


A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.

The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."

The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"

They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.

The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"


meh i got bord lols my mate helped me out a bit LOLs well he did most of the work lols


i is to lazy to type ...... even though i do it for a living LOL

Why super gurl....why long post.....i didn't even read it...nor did i read any of them for that matter....

But here a joke


"A man walked into a bar and said ouch"

thank you thank you *bows*

Why so many blonde jokes? =/ Can't people find non-blonde jokes these days? Honestly.

Three men are exploring the jungle when they're captured by cannibals. The cannibal king tells them he will let them go if they can complete his tasks. The men all nod their eager agreeance. So the cannibal king tells them that their first task is to go into the jungle and collect ten pieces of the same fruit.
The men rush off and a short time later, the first man comes back carrying ten apples. The cannibal king says "Okay, your second task is to shove all ten apples up your arse without making any expression what so ever, or we will kill you and eat you." So he begins. He gets the first apple up there but winces in pain on the second. He is killed and eaten.
The second man comes back with ten berries. The cannibal king explains the second task to him and the man scoffs, thinking it'll be a piece of cake. He starts shoving the berries up his arse 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the ninth one he bursts out laughing so he too is killed and eaten.
The first and second man meet up in Heaven and the first man asks "Why did you start laughing? You were almost free!" and then second man replies "I know. But I couldn't help it! You see, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!"

Well i just put in my top 3 jokes.
So you can deal with it bishhhhh xD

(:

<_<

*pokes blue rhino relentlessly for that* >: D

-EDIT-

oh, also, you only had 1 blonde joke so it's okay. cept I'm pretty sure you stole the blue rhino ones from chuck norris ones... <_<

hahaha

And i didnt steal anything, i put the Chuck Norris ones on then went. Well actually i dont like ol Chuck too much and i dont want to shout out how awesome a douche is. Hmmm who is awesome enough to replace Chuck , oooo I AM I AM PICK MEEEE!!!

Yeah right =P

wow leave a blank message then

BAHAHAA, cyanide n happiness r the best =D

xD
i reckon aye defs one of my faves!!!!

Every morning, a wife had to experience that morning ritual or her husband. . . As soon as he would wake up he would let out a HUGE fart. And like every other morning after this fart, the wife would say to him "One day your going to fart and your insides will fall out" ...

One morning, she woke up earlier than usual, crept down stairs and decided to prep her turkey for dinner. She was gutting the turkey when she came up with a plan. Giggling to herself she grabbed the insides, and crept upstairs to their bedroom. She opened her door to see her husband lying on his stomach, snoring away. "Perfect" she thought, as she carefully lifted up his pants and stuffed the insides into his underwear, and quickly snuck back downstairs.

10 minutes later, she hears her husband yawn loudly, and smiled. Right on cue he farted.... and then yelled. She could hear him moving quickly into their bathroom. She walked upstairs calling out to her husband, "Honey are you okay??"

He came out of the bathroom, his face bright red with embarrassment and said, "Babe, what you said, about how my insides would fall out when i fart?? Well it happened.... But its okay i think i got most of them back in........"



BAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

LMFAO DEE OMG HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Omg a joke I haven't heard before!!! *stashes it away in the jokes compartment of her brain*

Hahahah i love it! My mum got that sent in an email to her! Classic!

Haha it's great! xD

Lmao Dee!! very noicce xD
i haves another explosm..



i love the smile kehe

and lucky last xD
it took me a moment to get this one, i gasped then i had one of those shock laughter moments hahaha

its like how you get a tooth xDxD
:O