Be The Ultimate VG-er

My friend and I wrote the following article. Just for funsies =]


Step 1. You now have no life. That party you were planning to go to? It has just become a LAN in your local area.

Step 2. Your RL friends will immediately be replaced by your computer. Your computer is now your best friend, get used to it.

Step 3. Text typing is a big no no. However, internet slang/terms, 1337 speak and abbreviations are a must when playing internet games. (i.e omg nowai! Orly? That's so 1337! Frost shock ftw xD). The word "LOL" will be vocalised in your everyday speech.

Step 4. A messy room is a must have. See that pile of paper on the floor? The dirty clothes everywhere? Look at it, memorise it. This is exactly how you're going to be living for now on.

*Scarlet looks at her room*

Oh dear … >_>”


Step 5. Every good gamer has a good stash of snackerage to match. So go out and buy bags of chips and bottles of coke. (These will help add to the abyss aka your room)

Step 6. Work will be replaced by hours of excessive game playing. Remember that exam you have tomorrow? Stop studying, start playing.

Step 7. You are now nocturnal. You're so addicted to gaming that you suddenly realise the sun is coming up... Oops! Oh well, just one more game...

Step 8. Insomnia is now your friend. It allows you to take part in much gaming in the middle of the night.

Step 9. Sunlight is your enemy. For those rare occasions when you're awake during daylight, the curtains will always be drawn. What? The glare from the sun is distracting!

Step 10. The outside world will now perceive you as insane. Screaming at the screen and talking to VG characters will now become a normal part of your everyday life.

Step 11. Your w, a, s and d keys... Memorise what they look like with the small white letters on them, for you will wear away the top of the key soon enough.

Step 12. You will now begin to lose all sense of what is real and what is fiction. Relating all things in life to your favourite game is inevitable. When asked the simple question of what you are doing this afternoon, you will reply: "Oh, I'm just saving the world from the second Lunar Cry. I just hope that Ultimecia doesn't come along and compress time into itself."

Step 13. Now engrossed in your new world, the simple act of playing them transforms itself into a form of religion. You will worship the games as your God; keeping them in prime condition, while never letting anyone other than yourself use your computer. Phrases such as "omg lyk that game was so ttly l33t lol" will become your mantra before playing the same game six or seven times more.

Step 14. When your parents invite Dr. Fahrnemcructem to your house address them as if you are in a VG with phrases such as "OMG! Stay away from me! I will now blast you with my rank 12 pyroblast!!”

Step 15. Your life as a human is now over. You may now rise: reborn anew as a VG player. Your primary regret in life is not doing this sooner. I mean really, who would want to play with a ball outside all day, or be studying to do well in an exam, when you could actually be doing something with your life. VG FTW!

Disclaimer: Most VG’ers are not actually like this and The SSSUN advises against doing this because blah, blah...blah... Er... this was purely written for your own amusement. Because WE CARE.
Also Darky just happened to be an expert on this so he had to have some input... *cough* Geek! *cough*. Thanks Darky.

lmao my life right there, if you all need a mentor then I'm your guy

Yeah. After we wrote it we went "Oh... That's actually really sad now that we think about it. We're both like that. Oh dear xD"

It was a combination of both our gaming habits. But they still mostly all apply to both of us =P